It's official: We evolved from peanuts & raisins

Life is a well-defined and highly organised complex molecular engine based on commonalities which undoubtedly point to a common ancestor with peanuts and raisins (p&r).

The following recent scientific breakthroughs unquestionably support this:

1. The purpose of something's existence is called its "raison d'etre".
2. The purpose of life is to earn peanuts, placing immense existentialist value on this hitherto phylogenetically overlooked species.
3. People are referred to as "going nuts" about something they are passionate about, supporting the existenialist point in (2) above.
4. Ancient Hindi and Sanskrit writings in the Indian subcontinent refer to exalted rulers as "Sultanas". The same term is commonly used today for historical Indian leaders in abbreviated terms.
5. That p&r are so essential on hikes is no doubt an indication of their primaeval importance in human energy management and biokinetic movement, with naturally intrinsic anatomical parallels.
6. Certain life forms are known to have a high affinity for raisins, especially when hiking on the Wild Coast.
7. Certain other life forms have an aversion to raisins but a preference for peanuts, especially when hiking in the Wild Coast.
8. The most complex life-forms have a balanced affinity for both (the proverbial "balanced diet" - yes, out with mono-hyro-dupli-carcinogated-monopolysatyrated fatty acids folks, p&r is the new margarine), especially when hiking in the Wild Coast.

These infallible tests of scientific imperialism offer indisoluble evidence of our ancestry. Let's hope our children don't eat sour grapes, and that they are not shelled short by other more primitive cultural questions (people go ape about anything these days).


Bye!